We explode together when I'm on stage

I have to admit, as a kid, I was never a giant Kiss fan. These were albums my teenaged babysitters had and which, like my copy of Queen Night at the Opera, I was mildly scared of the possibly satanic overtones of (hey I was 6 then give me a break). So it was only yesterday when wandering the stacks at WMFO with my friend Brad that I became aware of the amazingly strange and often incoherent “notes from the band” tacked on the inside of the gatefold of Kiss Alive!

Below is what I believe to be a mostly accurate reprinting of each note. I have sequenced them in “best for last” order:

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Dear Earthlings, The gravity on Earth isn’t quite the same as my planet, but I'm slowly getting used to it. I always wanted to play lead guitar and express myself usually to an audience. When I play guitar on stage its like making love. I work so you get off every time. Thanks for helping me get off. Love, Ace

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Hi Cat People, Well you should get your claws into this album. I know its gonna make your tails stand up straight up. The Cat himself stalked it from front to back and it tasted great, so all u alley cats and tom cats, rock your rolls right off, Or should I say tails?? Love ya, Your silver-nosed tomcat, Peter Criss
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Dear Victims, I love to do all those deliciously psychopathic things to you that make you writhe in pain and groan in ecstasy. My spiked 7-inch boot heels are at the ready should you be in the mood for heavy sport, and my mouth is there to tell you all terrible things you never thought you'd hear (but love hearing)!! I can see you from the corners of my eyes, and I know what you do when the lights go out. I bleed for you and breathe fire for you and you wonder if I’m crazy-I AM! Gene Simmons
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My Dear Lovers, Nothing arouses me more then seeing you getting off on me. It makes me work that much harder to please you. My body is yours, yours is mine. We explode together when I'm on stage, I'm yours..............take me. Paul Stanley

All I can say is, we need more notes from bands like this.